Be chill…like Vaporwave Buddha here.
For years, I treated life like a job. Looking back, my only regret is not living in the present moment. An existential crisis shook me to my core, making me realize it’s time to live life and stop caring about societal pressures.
I grew tired of trying to impress others and constantly guarding my image. I also got tired of expecting the worst in people to avoid getting hurt, rather than allowing myself and others to be human and vulnerable.
I always lived three steps ahead, thinking happiness would come when I achieved certain milestones: graduating college, landing a job, losing weight, buying a house. I never appreciated what I had while I had it, always feeling something was missing. Accomplishments felt short-lived because I’d quickly move on to the next goal, seeking happiness.
Do Away with “Should”
One day, my husband noticed my anxiety about my endless to-do list and said, “Why won’t you let yourself be happy? Life isn’t a job.” His simple statement turned a switch in my mind. Words are powerful.
I realized my free time was plagued by a nagging sensation of wasting time or slacking off—what I call “the attack of the shoulds.” Shouldn’t I be doing something productive right now? I should be taking a college class instead of relaxing. It was never okay to just be or to do things purely for fun.
The attack of the shoulds drained my energy, motivation, and inspiration that could come from simply being and going with the flow. Ironically, the thing I feared most—wasting time—was exactly what I was doing.
Life is Happening Now
Not allowing myself to simply be was a waste of time that could have been spent content in the present moment. Whenever we are not living in the present, we are wasting time because we’re not truly living. Where your mind is, that is where your life is happening.
My life was happening in the future or the past rather than now. When I felt no motivation to do something I really wanted to do because I was too busy self-castigating with the attack of the shoulds, I would go on social media to kill time. This only sucked up more of my mental energy.
In self-castigating with reprimands of wasting time, I didn’t allow myself the freedom to tap into my creative potential.
Giving Back is Allowing Yourself to Shine
To tap into my creative potential and feel free, I needed to remember that I have always been and will always be enough. The point is to live life and share it with others.
You could die tomorrow, so embrace your loved ones and tell them you love them. What words of appreciation and love have been left unspoken? Say those words today, as if it were your last chance.
Imagine today is your last day to express gratitude to those who have supported you. Maybe it was a teacher who made you believe in yourself, or a friend who made you stronger in their time of need. Make someone feel seen and heard.
Leave places better than you found them, even if it’s just by picking up a piece of trash or leaving a book for someone else to read. Giving to others is the ultimate gift. A simple smile can change someone’s entire day.
By just being you, you’ve already made it.
The Opportunity Myth
Don’t put so much pressure on yourself; being human is no easy feat. Have no regrets because whatever choices you make are neither wrong nor right; they’re just choices that lead to different outcomes, each with its own positives and negatives.
Life is filled with choices and opportunities. That idea of a “one shot” is a myth. It’s an outdated belief that keeps you frozen in regret. Life offers opportunities at all ages. Look for them or seize them when they arrive.
Not taking an opportunity is also a choice, and you should feel the freedom to make that choice. You have opportunities every day to meet someone new, see something new, feel something new.
What you can’t get back are the moments, so make the most of them. The most important choice you can make is to live each moment, because moments are irreplaceable.
No One Can Live Your Life Better than You
The expectations, pressures, and demands society and media place on us benefit only those who place them. Measure your success by the joy you bring to others and the joy you allow yourself to feel, no matter the circumstances.
Don’t measure success by societal standards or conditioned beliefs. Follow your path, paved by your unique experiences. We all have a personal view of the world shaped by our circumstances and life experiences.
We have our own wisdom to live by and share. Doesn’t it make sense to live your life through your roadmap rather than someone else’s? Do what makes YOU happy and what rings true to you. Go with your nature, not against it.
No one can live your life better than you.
Life is Happening NOW
You have this one life to live, and it’s happening right now. It’s not happening in the past or future. Life is not happening when you finally get a new job or when you get a partner or children.
Life is not happening when someone comes back to you. This is the moment. Do what makes you happy. Love to the fullest and break down those fears that hold you back from living your best life, whatever that is to YOU.
Think of what made you happy as a kid; do those things again. Let go of the pride and shame that limit you to doing what YOU want instead of what others think you should.
There are no wrongs or rights as long as you are not harming others.
Irreplaceable Moments
For the longest time, I allowed the attack of the shoulds and the demands and expectations I placed on myself to rob the spark from irreplaceable moments. I wish I could have those moments back and savor them to the fullest.
Moments like when I was “stuck” in a small town when I could have enjoyed friends, education, and dancing more often. I told myself I’d be happy only when I was no longer there.
I also wish I could have moments back when I buried myself in books to get a perfect GPA instead of “slacking off” and playing with my son, who is now a teenager. Those early days can never be replaced.
The degree helped get a job that provides for my family, but the .9 in my 3.9 GPA could have mattered less. I will take my own advice now and not look back.
I am committed to the present and embracing it fully. The only time to look back is to learn to live the present to the fullest.
The False Portrait of Success
The definition of an ambitious and honorable portrait in our society doesn’t include that of a mother, grandmother, or father. The portrait belongs to a wrinkle-free, unattainable image that ruthlessly denies vulnerability to climb the corporate ladder and seek “the American dream,” which only chips away at your soul.
Another joy-stealer is the comparison game. It’s toxic and does nothing for our mental health and confidence. We compare ourselves because we don’t know what success is anymore; we’re not looking in the right place.
Success cannot be measured by comparing ourselves to others or by societal standards. Success is finding what makes you happy and being content with what you have. The only person we should compare ourselves to is the best version of ourselves.
No More Shame or Blame
There will always be only one you, and your unique gifts are true to you. Your smile and presence have power. Your biology and psychic constellation provide gifts to the world in ways you may not yet understand.
You don’t need to “find yourself” to know your gifts; you’re already giving them by being alive and being you. Sadly, we are conditioned to believe we are never enough and should always strive for more.
While goals feel good when achieved, they don’t lead to lasting happiness. Making goals a constant state of mind prevents you from living. By doing what makes you happy and doing it well, you’re already achieving.
If your goals make you happy, continue pursuing them while living in the moment. Life is meant to be lived. Look around; it’s a miracle to exist.
No more shame, no more blame. Enjoy your life and allow yourself to be happy. Why? Because life is not a job.
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.” ~ Helen Keller
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